I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
