Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
