Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Green mimosas i think yes
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
