i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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