whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She's the barista slut.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
