Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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