This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
