Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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