Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
