How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
