Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
