My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
