I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
