i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
