can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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