i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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