So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
