no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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