I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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