I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
