Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
