His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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