Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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