My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
