Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
