Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
