I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
