sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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