Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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