sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
