ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
