I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
