I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
