There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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