please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
