Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
