drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
