Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
