Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
