I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
