Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
