OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
