pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
