My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
