Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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