how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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