She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can you bring me the toilet please
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
