Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
