he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
