My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
